We are at war with our self when we fail to make the world do exactly what we want, or we believe we have let our self down. An e.g. of a war with one self is – Suppose you are standing in a queue waiting for your chance to arrive, only to discover an hour later, just when your chance is about to arrive, that the time for the counter to close has come and the counter has closed. You get upset, but with whom? Perhaps the person at the counter at first and may be with the other people in the queue and then with yourself, for not having found out the time of closing of the counter. There are two failures that make you uneasy here. First you failed to ask someone early enough, which would have saved you the hour time loss. Second, you failed to control your emotions of anger. Although you might not externally admit that you failed, inside you know. Because of these two failures, you then start to get angry with yourself. The thought pattern that goes inside your mind: to fail is to lose, to lose is to be sorrowful, to be sorrowful causes me to become angry, as you look for an external cause of your sadness which, in this case, is initially the person at the counter and the other people in the queue (who would have known the time of closing and could have told you). So you demonstrate to others your justified anger towards them. But deep inside you know it is you yourself that has made you sorrowful.
As the anger builds up inside you, again, after a while, you find someone else outside on whom you vent out your anger. You seem to feel better as a result, but it’s only temporary. The next time you become angry; interrupt the pattern of your anger by asking yourself two simple questions: Who are you fighting a war with? Answer: Yourself. Who is suffering the most due to the war? Answer: Yourself. And if your anger is directed at yourself for your own supposed failure then just tell yourself, “There is no such thing as failure, only a different result from the one that I expected and results are not going to be exactly as I want, expect or desire. That is a rule of the game of life.”