Relationships are a source of support for our life, or at least, they should be. Relationships should ideally be an exchange of happiness and love. Peaceful relationships are the foundation from where we create, generate and carry out shared endeavors (efforts). Thanks to cooperation, we achieve our objectives.
When people are asked about what the different causes of stress, worries and suffering are, one of the main answers is relationships. Relationships have become a cause of ties (bondage) and pain. Instead of trust it seems fear dominates in relationships. In a relationship of love – be it family, be it friendship – due to emotional weaknesses and a lack of self-esteem, in order to learn to love ourselves we need another person or people to value us, to appreciate us, to need us, to love us. Even so, we do not manage to learn to love ourselves and we continue to depend on and worry about the opinion of others, what others might say, think or feel about us. You fear the answer of others; you fear they might say something that hurts you. These fears arise out of the emotional dependence on this person or these people. And they (fears) prevent us from developing and expressing all our potential, meaning that we stop being ourselves and we fear sharing ourselves openly.
With dependency in relationships (as discussed yesterday) we enter into an energy of pleasing others so that they might continue to appreciate us. We base our self-esteem and personal security on the appreciation of these people. We stop acting in a natural, free and spontaneous way because we are worried about pleasing the one from whom we are taking mental, emotional or physical support.
Into this energy of dependence enters fear: fear of losing the support of that person, fear they will get angry, fear that they might not like us any more, fear that they might reject us, etc. That fear is a signal that warns us of our emotional weaknesses and of our lack of self-esteem. Fear brings on a greater inner insecurity, which makes us carry on holding on to that dependence.
There are people who, after entering into a energy of dependence and suffering because of it, leave that relationship with the objective of freeing themselves from the pain it brings about in them. Then they begin another relationship, where they generate the same energy. The solution is not in a change of relationship with another person, although on occasions that might help us. If we don’t change this energy internally and if we don’t learn to have a solid base of self-esteem, we will continue to depend on the appreciation and affection of others in order to appreciate and love ourselves.
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