There are two things that touch or move us in life: pain and pleasure. Both create addiction. We feel pain in the body, and sometimes it is even emotional. But suffering arises in the mind. The suffering in the mind arises from thinking negatively towards the self, towards others, looking at them with a vision or attitude that causes grief, sorrow and suffering. Both extremes, pain and pleasure, can create addiction. On creating addiction it can start to form part of someone’s identity. Later if one tries to stop the addiction of pain or suffering, it can almost feel like a threat towards the self, and towards one’s own identity as one perceives it, because suffering is identified with. It is too hard to see oneself as no longer suffering.
An e.g. in this regard is that of a mother, with three children, who was undergoing a meditation course at one of the Brahma Kumaris centers. Her daughter had learned to meditate and became very happy and joyful. Seeing her happiness the mother came to learn to meditate. With a few sessions she felt much more at peace and had very good experiences, but all of a sudden she decide to stop the meditation practice and leave the course because she was starting experiencing a positive detachment, which she perceived as negative. Now, she was no longer feeling afraid of what might happen to her children. The meditation was awakening in her a love free from fears, but it brought on in her an inner clash of beliefs between the old and new beliefs. Her old belief was that to love someone is to suffer about them or create pain related to them.
We have the inner belief that love, worry, fear and suffering go together. It is difficult to transform (change) fear until we eliminate that belief. You are love and you need to share that love. Life is a sharing of love, it is loving the body, loving oneself, loving others, loving God, loving nature, loving work. That energy of love in the end purifies us and helps us to go forward. But while the belief exists that love has to be linked to fear and suffering, we will be blocked and will put a brake to the flow of pure love. In the name of love, we worry, we suffer and we are afraid. Instead of helping from a place of freedom in love, we help out of worry and fear, and in doing so we stifle, control, depend, and the other person feels their inner freedom restricted. We do not let them be.
If we review our personal life and see the moments when we have experienced most pain in our lives, we realize that it is with the people we have most loved, and that have most loved us that we have suffered most. We experience pain in a relationship of love, where there is possession, control, submission and dependence. Other times the pain is caused by a loss that generates an inner emptiness. That person filled me, they gave me wholeness, they were the reason for my existence and now they have either left me or they have gone. In the second case, we wouldn’t say that they “have died”, but rather that they have gone to another level of existence i.e. the soul has taken a new physical costume.
When there is too much pain we cannot lean back into our true power and experience our energy of love. Only the power of pure love, unconditional love or love of God, can help us to get rid of the suppressed pain inside the subconscious. When you live through a situation that causes pain in you, you have to love yourself, stabilize yourself and enter into silence. Observe that pain without being afraid of it. Observe it to let go of it and understand what it is that it brings about in you.
The answer, generally, is connected with others: * He/she doesn’t love me anymore and that’s why I feel pain, * Things are not like they were before, * The company of this loved one doesn’t give me the benefits it was giving me before.
If a person loved you and now has stopped loving you, does that make you feel pain? Or is it your own expectation and your desire for that person to keep on valuing you or loving you like before that trap you in pain? Is it that you don’t accept change? The truth is, we bring on suffering ourselves. If you don’t want to make yourself suffer, starting from now you do not have to bear any more suffering. Nobody can wound you or can cause you pain, except if you allow it. So how do you allow it? By being a vacuum that sucks in everything of the other, the good and the bad, and you suffer. It is expectations from our loved one that make us vulnerable to the experience of suffering.
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