Many a times in offices, we find the dominating boss who wants everyone in the office to fear him or her. The boss may not necessarily be a person with a negative personality, but this desire exists inside the boss because he or she holds a negative belief that people fearing him is the same as respecting him and respect is something that any boss would naturally yearn for. This can happen in homes also, with a dominating father or a dominating mother doing the same with the other members of the family.
The main reason why this happens is because the boss or the father or the mother is normally lacking in self-respect, although he or she is unaware of it. Due to this, he or she, without realizing again, is looking for it from others and in fact over a period of time, as the need builds up or increases, he or she will start demanding the same from others, which takes a form of the negative energy of fear in the relationship. The boss or the father or the mother starts feeling that the sign that he or she is successful in achieving in getting the respect he or she wants, would be the other fearing him or her. Simply getting someone’s attention or the other being in awe of him or her or the other being under his or her negative influence which are all subtle forms of fear is then mistaken for being respected, and if he or she does not receive respect in this incorrect manner, he or she will even try and bring about the creation of respect in the other and try and pull it from the other using various methods which are violent in a subtle way, harming the relationship in a big way.
When the boss or the parent or the spouse (please refer to yesterday’s message) tries to induce respect inside you for him or her, in return you fear him or her, most of the time thinking it is respect. But, at that point, you need to remember it is impossible to give respect to another if we, at the back of our own minds, fear them. If you are scared of someone or something, it means there is an absence of self-respect, there is a lack of a true realization of your own value, your specialties, your skills and the virtues and powers that you possess. And if you do not respect yourself, you cannot truly respect another. It is only when you are firmly established in your own self-respect that you have no fear of others and are then capable of giving genuine respect to others. Sometimes we are not comfortable with being seen as fearful, because our image will take a beating, so we try to avoid admitting we fear someone by saying we respect them, but internally we are in awe of that person and being in awe is not respecting him or her.
Many a times, two prominent people e.g. two actors or politicians or sportsmen are not on good terms. They accuse and bring down each other publicly and are known enemies in the press. While they do that, they also carry a subtle fear of each other, a fear that the other will outperform them; the other will be more popular, the other will be more powerful etc. This normally happens because of a lack of self-respect. They both will probably hide that and will pretend that they are confident and established in their self-respect. But if their self-respect were genuine, they would not be scared of each other, and they would have the courage and the patience to talk and work with each other and listen to and offer the hand of friendship to each other, whom they perceive to be an enemy. But when they don’t have the strength of their own self-respect and when they are unaware of their lack of self-respect, subtle fear for the other creeps in, which they don’t realize and if they realize, they do not admit the same. And that’s why the restoration of self-respect is only possible when the ego is recognized and no longer nourished. Because, fear always comes from the ego and ego is nothing but an excessive attachment to one’s false image.
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