The Energy Of Give And Take In Relationships

Love, more than any other virtue, is an extremely positive energy; it is an invisible prime mover and foundation of each one of our lives, a source of motivation and inspiration. People lacking love in their lives are normally lesser motivated and happier than those who have positive and healthy relationships full of love and an immense amount of love in their lives. But when the same energy of love, possessing immense positive potential, is negatively focused and is not used correctly, it leads to many dependencies which are negative in nature. How?

When you love someone, that could be your parents, your spouse, your children, your siblings, your friends, any relationship for that matter; there is a invisible and positive emotional and mental attraction between you and that person which keeps you connected to him/her, but the moment the love turns into attachment and becomes a dependency, that person starts dominating and controlling your inner world of thoughts, feelings and emotions and your mental and emotional freedom is lost. It is as if your inner world succumbs to the influence of the other person and you are no longer yourself. Everything that goes on inside you and that comes out of you has an impression of the other. This kind of love is not empowering, energizing and healing, because in this kind of love, over a period of time, desires, wants and expectations from the other start emerging. All these emotions place you in a mental mode of taking instead of giving.  Also in such a kind of love, where love is mixed with a desire to possess, over a period of time you start wanting to control the other. From this control, you start exercising a power to influence the other. At first you are under their influence. As more attachment builds up, this is followed shortly by your desire to bring them under your submission and influence them. That way, you feel that you have them and that they belong to you. This is love that wants to take and not give. In this kind of relationship of love, there is suffering and sorrow.  Even if joy exists, it is extremely short lived. Unconditional love or love that only wants to give and not take or expect, strengthens and is healing, it never hurts or inflicts pain on the other.

Positive Reflections For The Day are messages sent by the Brahma Kumaris. If you are not receiving Positive Reflections already and would like to receive it daily, from the Brahma Kumaris, please send an email to the email address
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The Art Of Stepping In And Stepping Out In Relationships

relationships

For any activity, or relationship to remain peaceful and successful, we must know how far to step in and how far to step out. It is like a gardener who sows seeds at the right time, steps in to plant and water them and then steps out of the picture to allow nature to carry on with her work. However, from time to time, he steps in again to see if there is enough water, if any insects are attacking the plants, if any food is needed. His role is to find the appropriate space for the potential beauty and uniqueness of the seeds to emerge; he does not create the flowers but facilitates their expression. The gardener does not step in too much; that would be called interference. After planting the seeds, he does not demand an immediate result; he does not dig them up next day to see if they have sprouted. He plays his role, fulfills his duty, but lets go because he understands the blooming of the flowers is not dependent on him. Nor does he let go too much. If he did, then the plants would die from lack of care, or the insects and weeds would destroy them. He does not let go so much that he isolates himself from the process. Instead, by knowing when to step in and when to step out, he creates a respectful partnership or relationship with nature.

In the same way as the gardener, we have the duty, or rather the honor, of planting positive seeds of good intentions, love, respect and tolerance, at the same time allowing others and the forces of the universe to be given the space to work and respond according to their time and inclination. Very often we plant those seeds but want an immediate result: * I have shown so much patience, but she doesn’t change or * How much longer do I have to tolerate? I feel suppressed. We become attached to what we do, so there is no space for things to happen at their own appropriate time.  Sometimes we have the wrong type of mercy, or we want to take control, thinking we know better, so we step into people’s lives too much. This interference and lack of free space provokes hatred, resentment and conflict with others.

At other times, we get fed up with others; our tolerance and empathy is completely reduced and we say, * I’ve had enough, or * I have got to do my own thing and so we step out, but in a selfish way, that is, we isolate ourselves from others, or situations. We justify, or disguise, this isolation and rejection and dislike towards others with such phrases as, * I need my own space or * Let them stand on their own feet. In actual fact, we aren’t bothered anymore; we have stepped too far out of the picture because we have not cultivated the patience which allows the good and positive to germinate and grow in its own time. It is an art to know when to step back and when to step forward, but a very necessary one if well-being is to be achieved.

Aspects of Relationships By BK Shivani

Positive Reflections For The Day are messages sent by the Brahma Kumaris. If you are not receiving Positive Reflections already and would like to receive it daily, from the Brahma Kumaris, please send an email to the email address
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Reversing The Flow Of Love In Relationships

If we ask someone who do they think has caused them the most sorrow in life, most will point out to someone they love or had loved a lot. Why is it so? It happens like that because we believe that the energy of love will come from the outside and will fill us inside. The energy of love from the other will fulfill our inner desire for the experience of love. Due to our own need, we attach ourselves and hold on to a particular person whom we love a lot, believing that they will fill us with the love that they possess inside them, which will make us stronger, fuller and more content. So we start depending on the other person for this need. When he/she is not able to fill us, which happens many times, we experience sorrow. Love is an energy, which exists inside us. It always goes from the inside out and reaches out to the other and brings benefit to the other. It does not come from the outside in.

If we try and reverse the flow of love i.e. we make the energy of love come from outside in, we start depending on the outside for love, which results in the vacuuming effect. When you vacuum to clean your living room, you absorb the good and the bad. If you have dropped something very small, but valuable and of utmost importance to you, on your carpet, the vacuum cleaner absorbs it or takes it away, together with the dust, which is negative and of no value to you and which you do not want inside your home. When you live with the vacuuming effect on an emotional level, you absorb the love, care, concern, virtues, powers, specialties, energy, etc. of the person you love but you also end up absorbing their weaknesses, their worries, their fears, etc. That way, a dependency is generated that is counter-productive and causes emotional pain. That does not mean we become cold and stop accepting love from others, but we are no longer dependent on it for our inner well-being and happiness. Also, on the other hand, we keep radiating or giving love. When we give love, we experience it ourselves first and that’s what we want – an experience of love, isn’t it?

Positive Reflections For The Day are messages sent by the Brahma Kumaris. If you are not receiving Positive Reflections already and would like to receive it daily, from the Brahma Kumaris, please send an email to the email address awakeningwithbks@bkmail.org with – Subscribe – written in the subject.

Overcoming Possessiveness And Complexes In Close Relationships

We are all aware and we all experience also that close knit family relationships are a constant source of happiness and love. But these relationships, many a times, also possess the capacity of bringing along with this love and joy, many different negative shades of possessiveness and domination, and complexes and dependencies. These are widespread ailments existing in our family relationships today, but which can be cured. Meditation is a very positive healing process which can cure the causes of these ailments, which exist inside the human souls. Once the causes are cured through meditation, relationships become extremely healthy, which provide the self from others and from the self to others, only and only positivity energy, in the form of positive and empowering thoughts, feelings, words and actions.

A common sign of these diseases is lack of respect for people close to us. As a result of an un-respectful consciousness, we sometimes behave with our nearest and dearest ones, like maybe our spouse or children or siblings (brothers or sisters) or parents, in such an offensive manner which we normally never and would not ever even think of showing towards people with whom we are not very close. It’s not just a question of mannerisms, but of inner respect for the other. So often in families, a particular fixed order in relationships, positions of higher and lower, positions of senior and junior, become established, leading to feelings of superiority and inferiority, the effects of which start penetrating in the relationships e.g. the mother-in-law is very dominating and takes it for granted that she will be listened to by the son and daughter-in-law. Or an older brother or sister orders around a younger sibling, not giving him/her enough space in which to speak his or her own mind and express himself/herself, leading to an inferiority complex in the younger sibling. Or a wife is extremely possessive of the husband, not giving him enough personal freedom. Once established, these behaviors become permanent sanskaras and tend to be carried with us through life, so that even when we have left the original family relationships and circumstances in which these behaviors existed, we bring the same personality traits into our new relationships and circumstances.

As I practice meditation, which is nothing but a practical exercise of experiencing soul consciousness, I carry that experience into my relationships. While interacting with each one of my closest of relations, I start becoming aware of myself as an eternal soul, an actor on the unlimited stage of the world, playing my act through the physical body costume and I see each one with the same consciousness. Also the realization grows that the role I am playing with others now is only one small part of the whole painting of life. I don’t know where I was, in which part of the painting and with whom, before I took this birth, nor where I will be afterwards. The same is true for those with whom I am close. Depending on the type of relationship, I do have a particular responsibility towards each one of them whilst we are playing our parts together, but this only lasts a short time within this eternal timeline e.g. as father and child, each has a particular role today, but who knows about yesterday or tomorrow?

In meditation, I stabilize in the consciousness that I am an eternal soul, and that all human beings are souls, members of a huge spiritual family. Roles will change, but as souls, we only have an unlimited spiritual relation, we are brothers, but have no other permanent physical relation. Becoming aware of this spiritual wisdom protects me against limited feelings of my mother, my husband, my sister and so on, where such feelings cause possessiveness and a desire to control, rather than pure spiritual love filled with equality. All problems are reduced in relationships, when the personality trait inside me that tries to control others, or is controlled by others, is removed. Both of these are negative behaviors, caused due to lack of inner security, not true responsibility or concern. By knowing myself as a soul, my self-respect returns and by seeing others in the same light, my respect for others returns. From this strong soul-conscious spectator point, there is an inner detachment (but not a lack of love) inside me and I’ll no longer feel a need to manipulate others or be manipulated by the other, but instead I will radiate pure feelings of genuine love, care and respect into my relationships. This causes the same energy to come back to me from my relationships.

Positive Reflections For The Day are messages sent by the Brahma Kumaris. If you are not receiving Positive Reflections already and would like to receive it daily, from the Brahma Kumaris, please send an email to the email address awakeningwithbks@bkmail.org with – Subscribe – written in the subject.

Taking Charge Of Your Responses In Close Relationships

In relationships with your loved ones, when looking at the other, sometimes positive emotions are generated and sometimes negative. On the one hand, joy, love and happiness is generated on being with them; but then attachment, dependency and expectations are generated. In such situations, you are more focused on others and are always looking at the other person’s behavior, you stop seeing yourself and being aware of your reactions and taking the responsibility for the responses that you create. You get frustrated when the other person does not meet your expectations. As you depend on them, if they don’t act as you would like, if they don’t reach home or call you at the time you would like; all this frustrates you. You radiate this energy to the other: “they are not doing what they should be doing,” and so you feel frustrated and discontented.

All the while that you hold the other one responsible for your frustration, you are not in charge of your own reactions, because you have given power to the other to dominate your emotional world. It is there that you lose your freedom. You lose your freedom because you give to the other, in the name of love, power over your own moods. You allow the other’s energy to enter your inner world and cause inside you frustration, bad moods, irritation, sorrow and a mental and emotional dependence where you are constantly thinking about where they are, what they have to do, what they have to say, where they have to go, and all this consumes a lot of your mental energy. Wanting to control the other and the frustration that it brings with it uses up a lot of emotional energy.

Positive Reflections For The Day are messages sent by the Brahma Kumaris. If you are not receiving Positive Reflections already and would like to receive it daily, from the Brahma Kumaris, please send an email to the email address awakeningwithbks@bkmail.org with – Subscribe – written in the subject.

Experiencing Freedom In Relationships

How much are you influenced by what others think of you and how they see you? The degree to which you act on the basis of what you think others want and expect of you, allows them to have power over your inner and outer world.

Important aspects are how you think others see you, how you want them to see you and how you see yourself. The person who is not conditioned by how others see them, and doesn’t even think about how they would like to be seen, but who rather is comfortable with themselves, has a presence that generates comfort. Others feel fine around that person.

Let us learn to free ourselves from the conditionings that generate the thinking of how we want others to see us. Let us feel the freedom to let ourselves be how we want to be.

Try it and you will see that the results are amazing. That way, as you go along, you will take off the masks that you wear due to the fears of what others will say and think.

Positive Reflections For The Day are messages sent by the Brahma Kumaris. If you are not receiving Positive Reflections already and would like to receive it daily, from the Brahma Kumaris, please send an email to the email address awakeningwithbks@bkmail.org with – Subscribe – written in the subject.

Maintaining Your Self Esteem In Relationships

When a person is in love with another human, the marvelous thing about being in love is that it is a totally positive projection. There is a person who projects on to you all that is positive: you are marvelous, you are unique, you are indispensable, you are a treasure. That positive projection generates a euphoric state, of bliss, of wellbeing, whereby you are flying. You feel loved, cared for, needed and valued. That positive projection lasts for a time until, with the dependencies and expectations, the negative projection begins. “You should have called me, you should have told me, you should have come at this time, you should be more like this, you should be less like that, you should have done this or that.”

With these expectations, demands and dependencies, that positive projection and flying state disappear. The other has started interfering in your personal space and the harmony that was there previously is lost. One needs to learn to have a positive vision of oneself. You are marvelous, you are unique; don’t depend on them telling you so. This does not mean you need to feed your ego, but that you need to make the most positive emerge from within you. Resort to all your creative, positive, spiritual capacity, so that you do not depend on others having to project positive things onto you in order to feel good. On feeling good in an independent and autonomous way, you will be able to share with others peace, love and positivism. You won’t be in the state of a victim but will be true rulers and controllers of your own life with solid self-esteem.

Positive Reflections For The Day are messages sent by the Brahma Kumaris. If you are not receiving Positive Reflections already and would like to receive it daily, from the Brahma Kumaris, please send an email to the email address awakeningwithbks@bkmail.org with – Subscribe – written in the subject.