Love, more than any other virtue, is an extremely positive energy; it is an invisible prime mover and foundation of each one of our lives, a source of motivation and inspiration. People lacking love in their lives are normally lesser motivated and happier than those who have positive and healthy relationships full of love and an immense amount of love in their lives. But when the same energy of love, possessing immense positive potential, is negatively focused and is not used correctly, it leads to many dependencies which are negative in nature. How?
When you love someone, that could be your parents, your spouse, your children, your siblings, your friends, any relationship for that matter; there is a invisible and positive emotional and mental attraction between you and that person which keeps you connected to him/her, but the moment the love turns into attachment and becomes a dependency, that person starts dominating and controlling your inner world of thoughts, feelings and emotions and your mental and emotional freedom is lost. It is as if your inner world succumbs to the influence of the other person and you are no longer yourself. Everything that goes on inside you and that comes out of you has an impression of the other. This kind of love is not empowering, energizing and healing, because in this kind of love, over a period of time, desires, wants and expectations from the other start emerging. All these emotions place you in a mental mode of taking instead of giving. Also in such a kind of love, where love is mixed with a desire to possess, over a period of time you start wanting to control the other. From this control, you start exercising a power to influence the other. At first you are under their influence. As more attachment builds up, this is followed shortly by your desire to bring them under your submission and influence them. That way, you feel that you have them and that they belong to you. This is love that wants to take and not give. In this kind of relationship of love, there is suffering and sorrow. Even if joy exists, it is extremely short lived. Unconditional love or love that only wants to give and not take or expect, strengthens and is healing, it never hurts or inflicts pain on the other.
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