Subtle ego

ego lego

Some say, you need at least a bit of ego to survive in this world. A little bit of ego is healthy. But is it really? What if it’s blocking the quality of our life?

A few years ago I attended a class by Didi Sudesh in which she talks about subtle ego. If you walk the spiritual path and have done some soul searching in your life, you may think you are free from ego but when you listen to this, you may not be so sure anymore. It’s easy to recognize the BIG ego but if you are looking for a more profound clean up, here it is.

Now why do I want to be free of ego? What’s in it for me?

ego nobodyHappiness. It’s as simple as I can put it. Imagine a weight falling of your shoulders, you can breath again, stop thinking about useless matters and feel love for those around you, no matter who they are or what they do. Could your heart handle that? Imagine you don’t feel down anymore, feeling no more failure and loss, and thinking you’re not good enough is something of the past. Experience the total relaxation by saying “Really I am nobody”.

What does ego mean?

The Meaning of ego in spiritual terms ego is body-consciousness versus soul-consciousness. It’s all that you THINK who you are or think who you have to be. Mostly who you think you are and who you really are don’t match. The bigger the gap between who you think you are and who you really are, the bigger the ego. So in short, ego is a gap in your mind. You think you are the roles that you play:

  • I am a mother
  • I am a designer
  • I am a teacher
  • I am ….

but roles are not human, they are attributes, mere temporary identities that stick to you like post-it’s. Who you think you are usually starts with I am and connects with a role that you play. Who you really are is so much more. You’re a soul with a great history and a lot of experience on earth that has encountered love, respect, wisdom, peace and silence. Because of over-identifying with the roles that we play in our current birth, the roles that are connected to our body, we have a limited vision of our selves. It’s OK to play a role, we can’t escape from that. Running away from our responsibilities that come with those roles doesn’t bring any freedom. On the contrary. Yet, the idea that we are the roles that we play is exactly what limits us, blocks us from real interaction with others and with ourselves. In the worst case it can create a wall around our heart which is the recipe for loneliness and depression. In The Drama of the Gifted Child, Alice Miller describes depression as ‘Mourning for the loss of the self’.

Digging deeper – how to recognize ego

  • ego has no heart feelings, no love
  • ego has no mercy
  • ego comes through the door of comparison, competition and criticism
    you want to show that what you are doing is better than what others are doing
  • ego can not appreciate
  • ego is ignorance
  • ego does not share your value, it compares your values with others
  • ego has expectations, which is the biggest trap in relationships
  • ego is not value based
  • ego can not tolerate praise of others, unless we are attached to those that are praised
  • ego doesn’t let go seeing the failing of others
  • ego can not receive correction, only give correction
  • ego inspects others, self respect corrects oneself
  • ego is very powerful outwardly but very week inwardly
  • ego makes it difficult to establish relationships based on love

Read the full article about ego.

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Applying The Law Of Balance To Anger

anger

We are all very much aware of the law of gravity. It keeps us grounded on the earth. Gravity ensures everything returns to a state of balance. This is the law of balance on a physical level.

The law of balance can also be applied on a mental and emotional level, to the emotion of anger e.g.  Too many angry thoughts of revenge and animosity (hatred) inside our consciousness can emerge in two ways:

a) either externally as toxic, violent behavior, which will attract toxic, violent responses from others, or
b) if these thoughts are kept bottled inside, they will eventually, after a period of time, emerge as some disease or the other in the physical body. This is because our consciousness then tries to find a way to get rid of the mental impurity, which enters our physical body and restores balance to the mental and physical system, which has been upset due to the creation of the toxic thoughts, in the first place.

The above e.g. is an application of this law on a micro level. We can apply this law of balance on a macro level, on the world at large, where we watch groups of people, even countries exchanging negative energy. 

The same law can also be applied on a larger level. Each time a group of people transmit the negative energy of anger physically to another group of people – at that time,either:
a) one party is disturbing the balance temporarily, which will be restored sometime in the future, by the second party indulging in similar behavior, or
b) balance is being restored at the present moment (because negative energy had been transmitted from the opposite party to the first party sometime in the past). This balancing must take place, because it’s an unbreakable law. This is the law of balance.

This law that does not need to be enforced by us, the police or even by God. It is a natural law like other laws of nature. It gets enforced itself and cannot be broken by anyone. Understanding that this law is embedded in the human state of affairs at all times makes us careful and detached so that we don’t hurt ourselves with violent, toxic thoughts, when someone acts negatively.  We create these kinds of thoughts because we believe this is revenge that is justified. Also, knowing that anger that is radiated comes back doesn’t mean we don’t have any laws within society – they are required, but it helps us not to take the law into our own hands. We cannot force justice to take place before its fixed time. We cannot force the balancing of energies of anger. If we trying doing it, it is being egoistic and we only upset the balance of our energies as a result. Even to criticize those who try to take the law into their own hands is to take the law into our hands.

Positive Reflections For The Day are messages sent by the Brahma Kumaris. If you are not receiving Positive Reflections already and would like to receive it daily, from the Brahma Kumaris, please send an email to the email address awakeningwithbks@bkmail.org with – Subscribe – written in the subject.

Seven Techniques To Let Go Off The Past

Letting go

Almost each one of us carries a heavy or subtle burden of negative events and happenings that have taken place in our life sometime in the past, either an immediate past or a far-off one; which reduce our present contentment levels immensely. The negative past could be of any form – you experienced the loss of a close loved one due to a break-up or sudden death; you went through a serious physical illness or a very lean phase of financial loss, you were abused on a mental or physical level; you were not treated properly by a colleague at office and undue advantage was taken of you; you performed an inappropriate action and you repent up till now, even after many years have passed, and many such similar and different types of  incidents.

There are three different types of processes for removing negative past memories from our consciousness:

* Modifying – A negative past event is modified into a positive, beneficial form and then stored in the consciousness.

* Forgetting – Memories of a negative past event are forgotten and do not exist either in our conversations or in our conscious mind or thoughts, but traces of those memories exist in the sub-conscious mind.

* Erasing – No traces of the negative past exist in the consciousness and memories of it are completely removed from the sub-conscious also.

We need to take the help of all the different aspects or techniques of spirituality and not depend on only one or two for these removal processes. In the next two days’ messages, we will explain all these different techniques of spirituality, which if incorporated in our life, help us experience lightness and emotional freedom from the past. All of them have their own unique importance.

Positive Information and Intoxication – The more we listen or read positive and constructive spiritual knowledge, even if it is for 10 minutes daily, and imbibe (absorb) it, the more our negative memories fade into the background. Also the regular input of knowledge lifts our consciousness to a higher level and gives us an experience of intoxication or spiritual bliss, in which the memory of our past sorrows and negative experiences gets dissolved. Even on a physical level, there are lots of people who indulge in some kind of addiction or intoxication only because it temporarily helps them to overcome and forget the negatives in their life.

Karma Realization – Another benefit of spiritual knowledge is that it makes us realize the various shades and details of the Law of Karma and its application in the World Drama, which helps us immensely in letting go of the past and concentrating on our present so that a bright future can be built, irrespective of the quality of the past.

Self and God Realization – One of the most important benefits of meditation, an important aspect of spirituality, is that it makes us realize and experience the spiritual self and the Father of the spiritual self, the Supreme Soul, accurately. This is an experience of liberation, in which there is no room for past repentance’s. Past repentance’s are more a reflection of excessive attachment to the physical or material or attachment to incorrect emotions related to body-consciousness, remembering the damage caused by it to the self and experiencing sorrow due to the same.

Connection and Relation – Also, meditation being a deep connection between me and the Supreme Father, it fills me with immense power and it is also an intense relationship, which fills me with love, happiness and peace. In the experience of these attainments, over a period of time, my past ceases to burden my consciousness.

Correction – Memories inside the soul are like imprints or impressions on the soul. Some impressions are deep, some are not. Negative pastexperiences leave very deep negative impressions or scars on the soul, which sometimes take a lot of time to heal and sometime an entire lifetime can be sent without them getting healed. Negative past experience imprints and negative emotions like anger, hatred, attachment etc. are closely linked. So, correcting the self or incorporating positive sanskars fills the spiritual self with positive impressions. This, over a period of time, nullifies the effect of these negative impressions and as a result, the related negative memories.

Donation – Donation can be simply defined as the distribution of the invisible attainments one has experienced through spiritual self transformation, to others. It helps one receive blessings or positive energy of those whom we donate to and gives life a focused positive purpose, both of which help us immensely in forgetting our past. People who live only for themselves will find it more difficult to forget theirpast as compared to ones who spend a lot of time for others. Giving happiness to others helps us in forgetting our griefs.

Interaction – The more we interact with and remain in the company of positive minded people and have positive conversations with them, we give and receive positive energy and the more our past gets erased from my consciousness. Spirituality teaches us to look inwards and experience introvertness, which we haven’t experienced for a long time. At the same time, spirituality also teaches us to keep a balance between looking inwards and outwards. Composed and balanced extrovertness and healthy, happy relationships with virtuous people help us remain more in a present consciousness, not giving the mind to drift too much into the past.

Positive Reflections For The Day are messages sent by the Brahma Kumaris. If you are not receiving Positive Reflections already and would like to receive it daily, from the Brahma Kumaris, please send an email to the email address
awakeningwithbks@brahmakumaris.com with – Subscribe – written in the subject.

Neutralizing Anger

What is a good neutralizer for anger? Peace you would say. It’s not only peace, but a combination of truth, peace and love, in equal amounts. Truth and peace are the two inner states, which never ever leave us. Both remain permanently within each one of us. We already know, inside our subconscious and sometimes even consciously, the truth about anger and we can call our inner peace whenever we want – it’s there to be used. But what happens in real life situations is that we lose awareness of what is true i.e. the truth that anger is harmful and the truth of ‘who I am’. And we also forget the practice of peacefulness because some negative situation or experience temporarily blocks our access to the peace of our heart.

Peace is also deeply connected with love and we all have experienced many a times that it is impossible to feel loving and angry at the same time. Both cannot co-exist. In fact it is love that is the healing balm for our heart, that we our self have stabbed and wounded by indulging in many anger habits since we were young. But what happens is that we search for love and peace from the hearts of others. That means we have not yet realized that we already have what we search for, within our own hearts. To heal the wounds of anger, which can be in different forms like irritation, resentment, hatred, revenge, rage, etc., it is essential to rediscover the truth of who we are and the peace and love of what we are.

Positive Reflections For The Day are messages sent by the Brahma Kumaris. If you are not receiving Positive Reflections already and would like to receive it daily, from the Brahma Kumaris, please send an email to the email address awakeningwithbks@bkmail.org with – Subscribe – written in the subject.

Freeing Oneself from Hatred

Rage has many offspring (children), such as hate, anger, intolerance, insistence, irritation, obsession, sarcasm (taunt), envy, the abuse of authority, impatience, the lack of forgiveness. Generally it explodes when we want to control another or when our expectations have not been fulfilled.

Hate destroys your concentration and kills the capacity to act with dignity and excellence. You hate by justifying yourself in the other. You had expectations of them and they have let you down. They have wounded you and broken your heart. You answer this wound with revenge. You have to make them pay for it. You think that way you will do justice. This hate keeps you tied to the person that you hate. Instead of accepting them, forgiving them and letting go of them, you tie yourself to them more, nourishing and increasing the pain and the conflict.

Can hate be justified? Can it improve things? Can hate be healthy in any circumstance? Hate affects your health; it poisons your heart, kills your inner peace and dries you of love and happiness; you stay isolated in your aloneness, filled with that rage.

Take a moment to reflect upon the last time that you hated someone. It might be difficult to see that your rage is created by no one but yourself. Although it seems that the behaviour of the other person is responsible for your emotional state, the truth is that the hate is your reaction. Each response that you create might be a conscious choice. You forget that you have the choice because it seems that the hate comes out of your inside in a natural way. In reality, you are allowing yourself to act driven by your automatic pilot, where your subconscious habits, which are based on your beliefs and your perception, influence, shape and control your conscious thoughts and actions. That is the sign of mental and emotional laziness; in that state, your intelligence sleeps and it is impossible to think with clarity and take precise decisions.

It is said, “It is impossible to get angry and to laugh at the same time,” Rage and laughter cannot exist side by side and you have the sufficient power to choose either of the two. Each time that you choose to get angry due to the behaviour of another person, you are depriving them of their right to be what they choose.

To free yourself from hatred, you will have to take four important steps:

1. Understand that hate is not healthy. When you have a feeling of loss you feel sad. This feeling of sadness, because of the situation, generally gets created inside you before the feeling of hate, anger or frustration. Understand your emotions by observing them closely.

2. Accept that you are responsible for your own rage.

3. The other is free to act as they like, you can’t change them, but you can improve your response.

4. Be prepared to observe, challenge and change the beliefs and perceptions that you base yourself on and that create your emotional pain. Some of these beliefs give force to your rage and block your learning. For example, when you think that it is good that you are angry, the belief is that to feel rage is the natural and normal reaction amidst certain situations. Another belief is that anger causes the adrenaline to flow in you and you consider that it is a healthy addiction, that it makes you feel alive, that having sudden surges of adrenaline makes you feel energetic and strong. You use any excuse to feel bad and, thanks to that excuse, your level of adrenaline rises!

Emotional suffering indicates to you that you have to change something in you, but you don’t change anything. You ignore the messenger and the stress that you create continues to grow. Finally, it turns into such a habit that, if you relax and de-stress, you feel uncomfortable! You have got used to your stress. Become aware of the need for you to evaluate your beliefs and their impact on your life. That way you will be more prepared to change and improve your habits. This is the first step to achieving it.

Positive Reflections For The Day are messages sent by the Brahma Kumaris. If you are not receiving Positive Reflections already and would like to receive it daily, from the Brahma Kumaris, please send an email to the email address awakeningwithbks@bkmail.org with – Subscribe – written in the subject.

Internal And External Attachments

Attachment can be on two levels – either internal or external.

Some common examples of external attachments are attachments to:

* people,
* objects,
* your physical body,
* your position or role in your family, society or in your professional field,
* money,
* places,
* physical comfort/comforts,
* the way you look or dress up or carry yourself or your physical personality in general,
* a particular skill/skills,
* a particular interest or hobby like watching movies, online social networking, etc.
* your routine or a certain way of working at home or at the workplace,
* respect from others,
* how people see you or behave with you or what they think of you, etc.

Some common examples of internal attachments are attachments to:

* your ideas,
* your beliefs,
* your opinions or viewpoints,
* your memories,
* a certain way of thinking
* a particular virtue/virtues or specialty/specialties,
* a particular power/powers,
* a particular sanskar/sanskars – either positive or negative, etc.

Whether the attachment is external or internal, the act of attaching is always internal. e.g. if you attach yourself to your job, you will say “my job”. Your job is something external, but you hold on to it inside you – inside your consciousness.

Each time we attach ourselves to anything which is external or internal, we create fears, amongst which the main one is the fear of loss of what I am attached to. The attachment not only gives rise to fear but also brings with it emotions like anger, ego, sadness, jealousy, greed, comparisons, hatred etc. All these emotions have their roots in attachment, which gives rise to insecurity.

Any type of attachment out of the ones mentioned in the last two days’ messages or some other is a sanskar that is so deeply embedded inside us that it seems normal to us. It is just a sanskar but it has immense amount of power and it manages to imprison us completely, but most of the time we do not even realize we are imprisoned. The negative emotional states connected with this kind of attachment create a state of internal mental pressure or an inner emptiness and make us feel absolutely helpless at times. Over a period of many births, we have become so accustomed to these attachments and the various forms of suffering connected with it that we have started believing that these are an integral part of the human personality and human life since the beginning and are, therefore, natural. And so we continue with the sanskar and even keep strengthening it, never ever thinking that it should be removed. We do this with internal stress and unhappiness to the point that even our health gets affected adversely. The natural state of the self is free and not attached in this way to anything. Attachments, whether external or internal, are acquired at different points of time in birth-rebirth cycle and are not natural or there from the beginning. All the things mentioned in the last two days’ messages have existed from the beginning but attachment to them has not. The present suffering indicates to us that these types of attachments are something abnormal or not natural.

Positive Reflections For The Day are messages sent by the Brahma Kumaris. If you are not receiving Positive Reflections already and would like to receive it daily, from the Brahma Kumaris, please send an email to the email address awakeningwithbks@bkmail.org with – Subscribe – written in the subject.

The Three Root Causes Of Anger

Any time we sense irritation, frustration or anger emerging inside our consciousness, if we take a close look at it, we will notice we are fighting a war in our consciousness with one of these three: either with another person, most obviously or with the past or with our self.

We are at war with the past because our anger is always towards something that has already happened and looking at it we react emotionally which means we are trying to change it, which is impossible. Any scene that has taken place a year ago, a month ago or even a second ago cannot be changed. We may be completely convinced and we may believe we can. That’s because we hold this belief subconsciously. Somewhere and sometime in the past, we have picked up and absorbed the belief that the world and its circumstances should shape up exactly as we want.

When our internal desire of a certain type of circumstances is not fulfilled, or in other words something against this belief happens, our instant reaction is one of the various forms of anger and we tend to try and change the incident that has happened in a far-off past or a past that has just gone by. We keep replaying a revised incident, with words and actions that we would have liked and that suit our convenience and we also keep nullifying the actual incident or remain in a un-acceptance mode towards it. This is like fighting a war with the incident. We tend to do this inside our minds, repeatedly, even realizing somewhere deep within, that it is impossible.

We are at a subtle war with another person when he/she has done something which we perceive or judge to be wrong and our anger is an attempt to change them or take revenge. This is the second belief that is embedded very deeply in our consciousness that the world, including its entire people, should do exactly what we want them to, or what we think they should do. Perhaps we have not yet realized that it is impossible to control others and make them change. The lack of awareness and realization of this truth, which we will definitely realize at some point or the other, doesn’t let us become anger-free very easily. People will always make their own decisions and control their own actions, always. They can definitely be influenced, but they cannot be controlled. When our internal desire of a certain type of behavior from people is not fulfilled, or in other words something against the above belief happens, our instant reaction is one of resentment or irritation or frustration or hatred which are all forms of anger.

One of the most important attributes of a great soul is the ability to not have even a trace of desire for revenge inside and the ability to forgive someone who has supposedly wronged him in anyway. Don’t we all acknowledge that such an individual who has freed himself completely from all anger forms earns our and everyone else’s respect and deepest admiration, and we give him the medal of greatness inside our minds and even physically? So doesn’t that mean we intuitively know that this anger is an incorrect emotion and peace, good wishes and forgiveness are the correct ones, in harmony with the basic nature of the human spirit?

We are at war with our self when we fail to make the world do exactly what we want, or we believe we have let our self down. An e.g. of a war with one self is – Suppose you are standing in a queue waiting for your chance to arrive, only to discover an hour later, just when your chance is about to arrive, that the time for the counter to close has come and the counter has closed. You get upset, but with whom? Perhaps the person at the counter at first and may be with the other people in the queue and then with yourself, for not having found out the time of closing of the counter. There are two failures that make you uneasy here. First you failed to ask someone early enough, which would have saved you the hour time loss. Second, you failed to control your emotions of anger. Although you might not externally admit that you failed, inside you know. Because of these two failures, you then start to get angry with yourself. The thought pattern that goes inside your mind: to fail is to lose, to lose is to be sorrowful, to be sorrowful causes me to become angry, as you look for an external cause of your sadness which, in this case, is initially the person at the counter and the other people in the queue (who would have known the time of closing and could have told you). So you demonstrate to others your justified anger towards them. But deep inside you know it is you yourself that has made you sorrowful.

As the anger builds up inside you, again, after a while, you find someone else outside on whom you vent out your anger. You seem to feel better as a result, but it’s only temporary. The next time you become angry; interrupt the pattern of your anger by asking yourself two simple questions: Who are you fighting a war with? Answer: Yourself. Who is suffering the most due to the war? Answer: Yourself. And if your anger is directed at yourself for your own supposed failure then just tell yourself, “There is no such thing as failure, only a different result from the one that I expected and results are not going to be exactly as I want, expect or desire. That is a rule of the game of life.”

Positive Reflections For The Day are messages sent by the Brahma Kumaris. If you are not receiving Positive Reflections already and would like to receive it daily, from the Brahma Kumaris, please send an email to the email address awakeningwithbks@bkmail.org with – Subscribe – written in the subject.